All the Beautiful People We Once Knew Read online

  Copyright © 2017 by Edward Carlson

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

  FIRST EDITION

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

  Cover design by Erin Seaward-Hiatt

  Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-1631-5

  Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-1632-2

  Printed in the United States of America

  For Natalie Jasmin and Zachary John

  “[W]hat has been done is nothing, start again.”

  —Derek Wolcott obituary, The Economist, April 1–7, 2017

  1

  I FELT HIM COMING. Surfing through the hallway atop his big kahuna personality. Joshing his secretary he needed the dictation typed like yesterday. Whenever she was done playing Bejeweled. Now slapping the back of his fellow partner. The baby boomer he nicknamed Whitey, despite the fact his name was Goldman.

  “Jesus, Robert. Not so hard.”

  Fleeger hyenaed with delight.

  “Yes, it’s true, Whitey, I’m a real gorilla.”

  But more important than Whitey’s low threshold for physical pain, Fleeger explained, there was a whopping new case in from WorldScore. Not from the top top, but almost. And the relationship, he continued, with WorldScore, he gloated, was still working out very well.

  “Very well?” Whitey asked.

  “Very well.”

  And WorldScore remained very satisfied with Kilgore’s work product.

  “Very satisfied?”

  “Very satisfied.”

  “Good,” Whitey said.

  “Better than good,” Fleeger replied, faux chuffed. “It’s fucking great.”

  Now Fleeger this way cometh. I shut down the newswires and lefty blogs. Ensured no evidence of my distraction remained in the window behind me. As if the gigabytes of news I consumed online would eventually etch the glass. Like shadows fixed to walls by a nuclear blast. Pen in hand, I crouched behind the flat screen, fingering papers as Fleeger entered my office pocket-balling loose change. Behold the firm’s youngest partner: advancing hairline, teeth like dice, fistful of jaw, Hoboken Republican. He smelled like classic Right Guard, the stuff sprayed from a golden can.

  “Harker, my man,” he said, unclipping his phone. The miasma reappeared, which happened sometimes, especially in late afternoons. Some mysterious plasma that prevented me from seeing him in full contrast. What the partners and clients mistook for stamina and conviction was in fact his terrific refusal to engage in the complexity of being human. It forced me to squint at him. To protect my eyes from his bigness.

  “There she is,” he said, flicking his screen with his hammerhead thumb, now spreading open her picture. “Lucky number twenty-three.”

  He shook the girl before me atop the palm of his dashboard. Soon to be sport fuck number twenty-three since separating from Kath O’Shaughnessy. Another Brazilianed millennial Snapchatter with whom he had nothing in common. I accepted the girl with both hands. She was young, tan, ethnic. High-end retail sauce. Ready to be stacked between his collection of chutneys and cans of La Morena and allspice, possessed by the cheerful sexuality of a Southern California girl in estrus. Hatha yoga and kegel exercises. Sarda chiliensis lineolata. Gripping her tight, careful not to drop her, I touched her face to access her caption:

  ’20’S PARTY IN LOS ANGELES. FUN!

  “Very impressive,” I said.

  “I know.”

  “I’m referring to the properly inverted apostrophe. Acknowledging the missing but implied nineteenth century.”

  “You’re a douche.”

  He snatched for his phone. I dodged him. He grabbed me and snatched again. I conceded defeat, handed him his cherished appendage.

  “I’m proud of you,” I added. “This one at least knows some grammar. But as a rule I’m skeptical of women who use exclamation marks.”

  “Her name’s Tara,” he said, redocking his device to his thin belt and hoisting his pants around his thick hips. “And she says the photo fails to do her justice.”

  He hissed the word justice. Like a black pastor at an affordable housing rally. He wanted to play. I raised his Reverend Wright one Etonian backbencher.

  “You must therefore advise Miss Tara that as a member of the New York bar you are professionally licensed to make all determinations regarding justice.”

  “Shouldn’t I also mention in good standing?”

  “You’d be a fool not to.”

  “I’ll be sure to let her know.”

  Fleeger bent over. All oarsman haunches and shoulders, like a beast that ambulated on its knuckles. From the Kilgore tote he launched a new case file, his Chinese yo-yo of an index finger commanding me to look. It was the new assignment from WorldScore, first-class premium AAA underwriter of pharmaceuticals, private armies, war risks, infrastructure loans, mortgage-backed securities, climate change, terrorist attacks, aviation disasters. Risk in profit™. A fresh new claim by Major Mike “Bud” Thomas for wartime employment workers’ compensation; past, present, and future lost wages; physical and psychological injury; permanent and total disability. Age: forty-six. Residence: White Haven, Pennsylvania. Fleeger placed a walnut oxford wingtip atop a bankers’ box housing my one pro bono case involving a Chinese stowaway, now Chinese amputee due to a vessel’s faulty hatch cover. The case dormant and unbillable as the man fetal-positioned in a Louisiana immigration prison sans one left leg below the knee. Fleeger tucked his pants into pink leopard-print socks, removed a portable shoe polisher from his Kilgore tote, and buffed sheens to his extra wide Allen Edmonds.

  “I need you to write up a report on this bastard this afternoon. So you can stop all you’re pretending to do and focus on this,” he said, still buffing. “We have a preliminary conference before Judge McKenzie primero cosa en la mañana so do it now. And then let’s get the ninja on him. I want to surveil this hairy asshole.”

  He loved the way he spoke, the way he said “ninja” and “surveil” and “hairy asshole.” But for me it meant clean and easy tenths of an hour on the timesheets. In re Thomas v. FQ/WS, 444-15 RF/SH: telecon with investigator re surveil re hairy asshole: .3 hrs.; email exchange with investigator re surveil re hairy asshole: .4 hrs. We had now entered the billing segment of today’s interaction. Fleeger couldn’t resist.

  “Should finally give you something to do.”

  “I have plenty to do.”

  Fleeger exhaled and looked over my desk and placed his hands beneath his suit jacket.

  “This case could be good for you, Stephen,” he explained. “It’s interesting, so you won’t feel it’s beneath you. It’s an important case for WorldScore, and i
f it’s an important case for WorldScore, it’s an important case for me, and if it’s an important case for me, then it’s an important case for you. Should also enable you to finally put some points on the board. What are we here for if not to put points on the board? Right?”

  Fleeger shot an invisible three-pointer.

  “So?” he asked.

  “So?” I replied.

  “Carpe diem, motherfucker.”

  I told him OK. Would give it my all. Make it my top priority. He picked up his tote but, not quite ready to leave, he pointed at the shellacked wooden plaque tacked to my office wall. A gift from the editorial board of my slightly-below-average third tier Midwestern law review.

  GREAT MINDS DISCUSS IDEAS.

  AVERAGE MINDS DISCUSS EVENTS.

  SMALL MINDS DISCUSS PEOPLE.

  “This, just so you know, always kills me.”

  The miasma reappeared. It was thicker now.

  “Just make sure you write up that memo today so we know what we’re talking about tomorrow before the good judge. And remember, whatever you do, be first class.”

  I reciprocated the thumbs-up as he exited my office, discovering right then and there why Iraqi Arabs considered the gesture obscene.

  Here I was. Neck deep in insurance defense litigation with no instinct for extraction, let alone self-preservation. Insurance against risk in exchange for billions collected in premium. The premium in turn deposited in interest-bearing accounts, money market accounts, then invested in portfolios, hedge funds, deep pools of capital for fees plus interest, that in turn irrigated the financial markets for a point or two as it cascaded down the flues. Now it was Kilgore’s turn to dip in the pewter ladle and take a drink, allotted in six-minute tenth-of-an-hour increments scribbled on the timesheet. Points on Fleeger’s board.

  I studied the new file and jotted illegible notes on a yellow legal pad about Thomas’s past and present. Former Air Force airman then Special Forces pilot then Afghan military instructor employed by FreedomQuest, a private military contractor based in North Carolina. Now alleging that an aeron struck him in the neck and caused a cervical spine injury. Permanent back pain resulting from long-haul flights in and out of Bagram (degenerative disease to the lumbar spine). Traumatic trip and fall while fleeing incoming mortar fire (herniated discs, Achilles tear, torn rotator cuff). Followed by emails to FreedomQuest’s human resources department demanding compensation for hidden psych injuries caused by a car crash while working in Kabul. Thomas’s multiple requests for worker’s compensation denied by FreedomQuest’s in-house counsel due to lack of causation, lack of objective proof of injuries, injuries sustained outside the scope of his employment. Triggering Thomas’s almost daily email accusations to his former employer re FreedomQuest’s failure to respect his service to country, failure to provide him maintenance and cure, alleging corporate treason, abandonment of a wounded warrior, that they treated him like a dog, that he was now a shadow of his former self, unable to provide for his family, make love to his wife, exiled from the pleasures of hearth and home.

  “Sir, I am not a litigious person but I have no choice,” he proclaimed again and again, “but to turn to the courts and assert my rights.” Seeking an award for total and permanent disability benefits at seven-eighths his average weekly wage for life plus lifelong treatment for multiple herniated discs, post-traumatic stress disorder, limited ranges of motion to the upper and lower planes, hip arthritis, sleep apnea, erectile dysfunction. Emails from FreedomQuest’s in-house counsel offloading the matter to their worker’s compensation underwriter, WorldScore. WorldScore in turn dumping the case onto Fleeger. Here it was. The identity and contact information of the WorldScorer overseeing this manmade catastrophe: Celeste Powers. Senior Executive Vice President, Global Head of Claims, New York, New York. Thewy Englishwoman of confidence, we met once before, at an industry conference: Litigating Against Disability Insurance Claims, Sheraton Miami, 2012.

  It was the beginning of the end of the day. My professional focus possessing a half-life of barely two hours, I reopened the newswires. To be Reutered. Politicoed. Huffposted. Dzohkar Obama Trump Lindhed. Some kernel of escape from Kilgore LLP in compulsively gorging myself with online media. Ice flakes the size of Texas breaking free from the Arctic mass. Fresh alerts from NASA about a brewing geomagnetic solar storm; a potential coronal mass ejection of solar winds that threatened satellites, airplanes, vessels, power grids, data servers, GPS units, cell phones, ATMs, the entire global financial system.

  Once I could shoulder through the work for hours. Longer than anyone, including Fleeger. But not anymore. I was morphing into a new species. Soon my eyes would almond and blacken. I would become half alien. Hands branching tapering fingers to access increasing amounts of data. The way a Dutch woman raised in Bangkok will eventually pretend she is Thai. Almost. Something had shifted and this lack of focus, this addiction to distraction, now permeated everything. My ability to lawyer had disintegrated into zeros and ones. Atoms and quarks. Here, behind this desk, in this law firm called Kilgore on the twenty-fifth floor above Lower Manhattan. Launching air balls at Fleeger’s scoreboard.

  With massive effort I reopened the Thomas file to keep the clock running. I studied the medical reports and employment records and again combed through his emails from Kabul station to FreedomQuest. Communicating concerns that the unsecured two-story house the company provided him in Kabul was a target. (“Sir, I am very concerned for my safety.”) That the supervisors who managed the station were both incompetent and drunk all the time on contraband whiskey smuggled in Listerine bottles. (“Sir, in my twenty-plus years in the armed forces I have never witnessed such low morale.”) That the supervisors retaliated against him for voicing his concerns to HQ by assigning him menial tasks. (“Sir, I find it demeaning to be assigned routine office work.”) That his instructing Afghan military officers in an enclosed classroom environment was unsafe. (“Sir, I am getting real concerned about my exposure to Afghan personnel who I do not believe were properly vetted for Islamic terrorist sympathies.”) Pleading for authorization to carry a pistol while driving his work truck, which in turn went unanswered.

  With that elusive urgency crucial to decent lawyering I typed up a strategy for tomorrow’s court conference, constructing ramparts of arguments from the federal regulations. Yes, of course we respect his service. But it remained Thomas’s burden to prove his alleged injuries arose within the scope of his employment with FreedomQuest and not during his previous military service. It remained Thomas’s burden to provide objective evidence that supported his allegations. And it remained Thomas’s burden to provide objective reports from licensed, board-certified physicians that he suffered the injuries he alleged to have suffered, that the injuries would not fully heal, and that he had in fact reached maximum medical improvement. At which point the regulations mandated Thomas undergo further medical evaluations for statutorily apportioned loss of use of his bones and ligaments. Only after which Thomas would be entitled to some percentage of weekly compensation. Tomorrow’s strategy: question the veracity of Thomas’s allegations and calendar discovery production. Then kick the can down the road with talk of settlement. Because this is what we do. In the meantime, appoint WorldScore’s preferred private investigator, Honda Tadakatsu, to film Thomas doing anything that impeached his credibility and disproved the extent of his alleged injuries. I added up my points: 3.8 hours of solid billable legal work carved from a weekday afternoon despite failing to escape the constant temptation to sulk.

  Outside, big high-pressure systems blew out late winter gales and the office building lurched, swinging elevator cables behind gypsum drywall. If you dropped capsules of dye into the gusts they would smother the city with clouds of impenetrable color. I forced myself to lean against the window and peer below. Steeled myself against mentally simulating the building’s collapse into a silo of molten steel and pulverized plaster. From the bookshelf I retrieved the cordovan case that housed my father’s heav
y German-manufactured binoculars, gripped the worn leather strap, and glassed a petroleum barge anchored in the olive chop between Manhattan and Governor’s Island. One hundred and ten thousand barrels of Number 2 fuel oil bolted against the hydraulic force of two converging Manhattan rivers.

  My computer pinged. I hurried to it.

  “The hits keep coming,” Fleeger announced via email. Heralding the federal court’s dismissal of a direct class action lawsuit filed against WorldScore for insuring Wuxi Hexia, a Chinese company accused of marketing antifreeze-laced cough syrup to Panamanian infants. The federal judge mandating suit be filed in Panama, where the damage occurred, or China, location of Wuxi’s corporate headquarters. Thus saving WorldScore millions, probably more.

  “Props to Harker and Attika for their hard work on the briefs!”

  He and Tara already had something in common.

  “Drinks in an hour to celebrate!”

  I typed Fleeger a reply. A direct quote from Wuxi’s Chinglish website.

  Pursue the most lofty service.

  His response was immediate.

  Regard heart as the origin.

  I trumped him one last Wuxi command.

  Take customer as the reveres.

  Until he bounced it back.

  With the own duty of the understanding.

  I was overdue for a good drink and Fleeger knew it.

  “Do not bail tonight,” he emailed.

  “Or what?”

  “Or I will kill you.”

  2

  SLEET PECKED AT MY office window, with a sound akin to plastic pellets. Building blocks of toilet brushes, duck decoys, PVC pipe. The red diodes atop the skyscrapers raced ahead, fell behind, pulled even with one another.

  I continued the professional hustle, jotting more entries on the timesheet. There should be stars next to the entries, I thought. Value for Money™, that’s what WorldScore called it, their antichurn campaign. Directly at odds with Kilgore’s 2,100-hour annual billing quota, divided by the annual salary of a midlevel associate at a medium-tiered law firm, equaling about $64 per hour. Sitting in her cubicle, probably watching Law & Order online, Fleeger’s secretary cleared her throat before answering the ringing telephone.